This is my letter to the Egyptian men, written with compassion and love. A female expat’s view on and experience with sexual harassment in Egypt.
If you donβt know me yet, let me quickly introduce myself: Iβm a 29-year old German woman who first came to Egypt almost 3 years ago.
I fell in love with Sinai instantly. Since I work online, I was lucky enough to be able to make Dahab my home base.
I blog about Egypt quite a lot, and I have always promoted this country and encouraged many people, especially women, to visit.
I love Egypt and I don’t want this article to be a negative one.
My Intention For Writing This Article
I just want to give you a peek into a woman’s experience here, and I want to appeal to everyone reading it to make it a better place for all human beings, male or female, including yourself.
Iβve thought about this letter for a very long time, but I have to admit that I was scared. Dahab is a small town, many people know me.
And I know there will be many who donβt like what I have to say, and thatβs the reason most women never say anything.
Iβve tried to write this (and see this whole issue) with compassion, understanding, and love instead of anger and judgment, and I hope I found the right voice to express that.
Iβm not here to preach, Iβm just sharing my honest view of an issue in Egypt that really influences and hurts me, and often completely preoccupies my mind because itβs in conflict with the love I feel for this country.
This inner conflict is very intense and I can’t stay here consistently. I leave the country every few months and go to different places in order to remind myself that this is not the norm, itβs a big problem Egypt has and I really hope that more people can speak about it so this country we all love has a chance to change for the better.
Please read this with an open mind and compassion, the same way I tried to write it. Obviously, there are also lots of exceptions, I’m not saying that all Egyptian men harass women. Should be clear.
Why Iβm Writing This NOW
I recently got back from a diving safari – 4 days on a liveaboard in the Red Sea. I was a regular paying customer and I didnβt know the manager of the dive center before I booked the trip.
I knew in advance that I would be the only woman on this boat, along with a group of Kuwaitis and Jordanians. Thatβs not unusual here and doesnβt bother me per se.
As soon as the trip started, the manager began hitting on me. I felt a bit nauseous the first hour or so since the boat was rocking heavily.
His reaction to my sickness was to tell me that I would feel the waves less in his bed, and I would get a massage.
He put me in a difficult situation. I was his customer and I was relying on him. If I started voicing how inappropriate that is, he could make my trip pretty miserable.
Also, keeping peace and happiness is a super important thing in this culture, speaking about issues is not as common as where I come from.
So I was feeling extremely uncomfortable, and I was constantly thinking about how to solve this situation peacefully.
I shouldnβt have had to worry about any of this though. I paid good money to have a few nice days of vacation, which I desperately needed.
It was not okay for him to put me in a situation like this. After all, I was in the middle of the sea for four days and if things went sideways, I didnβt have the chance to just escape the situation like I could on land.
He used his power over me and my situation. He probably didnβt even think about it, but this is how it was for me.
How Sexual Advances By Men Make Me Feel
I wasnβt scared that I would be raped, thatβs not what Iβm saying. I just felt very, very small. And sad.
Sad that sex is the only thing so many men here think of when they meet me. Who I am as a person is not of interest.
And I felt angry that I have to spend so much energy and thoughts on trying to deal with this situation instead of being able to relax and enjoy the trip.
Iβm used to guys hitting on me, thatβs what I experience every day. I canβt leave the house for two minutes without men catcalling, whistling, staring at me.
Most of the time, Iβm able to ignore it and not make a big deal out of it.
So I politely refused his βgenerous offerβ and kept my smile, trying not to let it affect me too much and keep the peace for everyone.
Trying not to be a troublemaker or a drama queen (how twisted is that when you really think about it?! He is causing trouble and Iβm trying to fix it by accepting his behavior).
When he offered to massage me for the third time, I had enough. What does a woman have to do until a man understands she is not interested?
Saying NO again and again apparently isnβt enough. And getting loud and firm as a woman is seen as being a drama queen.
What options do I have? What do you need me to do so you understand?
Egyptian Culture – The Good And The Bad
The Egyptian culture that tries to keep peace at all costs and make everyone happy has lots of benefits – but also downsides. Itβs an admirable character trait and one that many European cultures should adopt more of.
Itβs a big reason why your experience as a visitor in Egypt will be memorable, you will be greeted with amazing hospitality you wonβt forget.
At the same time though, itβs also something that seriously harms this country. When conflict is to be avoided all the time, itβs incredibly hard to speak up when you are mistreated, as you will not get much support from the outside.
Speaking up interferes with getting along peacefully with everyone, which is so important here.
Itβs the reason Iβm afraid to publish this as well. Even though Iβm a pretty tough person and I have the chance to leave this place at any time, Iβm scared of the implications that writing this will have for me.
I canβt even begin to imagine how an Egyptian woman must feel, and I more than understand why they are silent and just accept that βthatβs the way it is hereβ.
Well, it shouldnβt be.
β90% of Egyptian men, but also 70% of women, responded in a survey that they believe that women should “tolerate violence to keep the family together.”
JUST NO. STRONG, HARD NO.
Speaking about issues doesnβt have to be seen as something that destroys peace. Itβs the only way of improving.
And letβs be honest, we all know that (even though we love Egypt so much), there is a lot of room for improvement in this country.
Being challenged by cultural differences
Growing up in Europe and now living in a Middle Eastern country is obviously challenging because the two cultures are so different.
And Iβm not saying that my culture is better than yours, or your culture is better than mine. Thereβs a lot of upsides AND downsides to both cultures.
I really donβt want to come across as the privileged white girl from Europe who knows better, because I donβt.
I actually donβt live in Germany because I donβt like the culture there (ok, admittedly the shitty weather plays a role, too).
I based myself in Egypt because this culture is more appealing to me. But that doesnβt mean that everything about it is great.
Sexual harassment is not part of a culture, itβs wrong and disrespectful behavior towards another human being. And keeping peace shouldnβt be more important than decent behavior.
Donβt Try To Bullshit Me
Back to my boat story.
I spoke up and told the manager that itβs absolutely inappropriate behavior and I feel very uncomfortable and I will no longer ignore his disrespectful behavior as a manager toward me.
He apologized that I βmisunderstoodβ him and that he was just trying to cheer me up because I looked sad and I went through a breakup. He was not hitting on me, he said.
Thatβs when I finally got so upset that I didnβt care about being a good, silent girl anymore who needs to adapt so that men would not feel uncomfortable.
Man, Iβm no idiot.
Iβm 29 years old and Iβve been around. I know that men donβt offer to share their bed and massages to women without any intentions whatsoever.
Come on, we all know that. Are you really going to pretend that Iβm completely making up that youβre trying to hit on me? Seriously?
Itβs embarrassing for you, not me, because everyone can see whatβs going on. After all, you didnβt offer massages to the men on the boat, did you? Itβs just so obvious and youβre making a fool of yourself.
Apologizing that I misunderstood what you said is even more disrespectful than not apologizing at all, because youβre trying to make me look like an idiot instead.
I get it, it takes a lot of courage to admit that youβve been hitting on someone and you got rejected. Itβs painful to the ego, so itβs easier to make me feel small than allowing yourself to feel small.
What Goes Around Comes Around
It was a power struggle between the two of us. He couldnβt admit his mistake, and I refused to let him off the hook and allow him to make me feel bad in order for him to keep his pride intact.
He chose his ego. The consequence is that I will not keep quiet about him sexually harassing his female customer and I recommend to avoid using his dive center.
Luckily, I actually have a voice because most people who come to Dahab for the first time will find my blog at the top of every Google search about the area.
And I decided to use that voice because most women who are treated like this will never be heard. I will receive criticism for this, but I have to learn to deal with not everyone liking me.
The disrespectful behavior of that dive center manager has consequences for him. He didn’t gain anything at all by doing this, he harmed his business and lost credibility and eventually money because of what he did.
And thatβs what happens with all sexual harassment or any wrong behavior in general. It will come back to you one way or the other, even if itβs not showing as clearly as in this case.
Taking Advantage Never Plays Out To Your Advantage
No, he didnβt rape me. He didnβt physically assault me.
But he ruined my first liveaboard experience and a well-deserved vacation because he thought he might have a chance to have his sex drive satisfied.
He knew that I just went through a breakup and tried to take advantage of my pain and the feeling that most women (and men, actually) struggle with after a breakup – the question: Am I not lovable enough?
If you donβt think that such behavior towards me and women in general is bad, try to imagine me as someone you know and respect.
I donβt know your individual situation, but would you like someone to treat your daughter like this? Your little sister, your wife, or your mother?
Would you like them to be in a situation they canβt escape from and be subjected to a manβs advances although they clearly said that they are not interested in him? Youβre protective of them, arenβt you?
In the same way, itβs not okay for anyone to pressure any other woman. Weβre all someoneβs daughter or sister.
Itβs A Fine Line Between Flirting And Harassment
Iβm not saying that itβs not okay to flirt with women, not at all. Itβs part of life and it can be really fun as long as both sides think itβs fun.
I expect men to pick up on the clues that women give you. No means No. And Iβm aware that itβs not always clear and a womanβs behavior can be interpreted in different ways sometimes.
Thatβs why you need to make 100% sure itβs enjoyable for both of you. If youβre confused, just be honest and ask what she thinks.
I especially understand that itβs hard to understand Western women because weβre from such a different culture and we dress differently.
Yes, a lot of us have been raised with a more open view on sexuality, but what you see in porn movies e.g. is nowhere close to reality.
It must be difficult for a man to make sense of their upbringing in a conservative country like Egypt with the sexual desires they have, and itβs all probably super confusing with these new influences from Europe and the US.
I understand that.
But itβs not really that difficult.
A womanβs outfit for example doesnβt matter, the only thing which that expresses is what kind of fashion she likes, not how she wants a man to treat her. Yes, even in a religious country.
And statistics show that it doesn’t even matter whether you’re covered up entirely or walk around in shorts – harassment happens to all women, no matter how conservatively they dress.
Think of how you would want someone to treat your daughter or your sister. You wouldnβt want a man to pressure her in any way, and I think you already know how to not do that yourself.
Women are not to blame when you have sexual desires, whether they are appropriate or not. They are your feelings, and you have the power to not act on them.
Even a woman showing skin is no excuse for you to act out on your primal instincts. Itβs a chance for you to show that you are stronger than that and not an animal because thatβs the difference God (if you believe in God/Allah or any higher power) created between us and animals.
You have a choice. Itβs a powerful ability God entrusted us with.
Shocking Statistics About Sexual Harassment in Egypt
- Reports by national and international organizations reveal that more than 99 percent of Egyptian women have been subject to sexual harassment.
- According to the Thomson Reuters Foundation, Cairo is the most dangerous megacity in the world for women.
- According to a report that interviewed about 10,000 people from the Middle East, both men and women, 64 percent of Egyptian men admitted that they harassed women.
- In a recent survey, it was revealed that about 43 percent of men in Egypt believe that women like the attention and they admire being sexually harassed.
Itβs shocking to me that men actually believe we enjoy getting unwanted attention 24/7, but it also reveals why itβs such a big problem. A lot of you guys donβt even know. And thatβs because not enough people speak about it.
So Iβm saying it to you now: WE DO NOT ENJOY IT!!!
Harassment On Social Media
Iβm a micro-influencer and I get inappropriate messages on my Instagram daily. Egyptian (and other) men are telling me they love me although theyβve never met me. Or how sexy I am.
Some are offering foot massages, some plain out ask for sex, some send weird poems. Yes, itβs a wild mix of totally inappropriate messages.
Letβs be real:
Do they really think Iβm going to meet up with some stranger who sent me βsexyβ messages on the internet? And then end up having sex with them, or even madly falling in love with them?
No.
What I do, and any woman with a little self-respect and dignity, is I either laugh at these messages or I get upset why those men think they have the right to speak to me the way they do.
Hereβs How I Want To Be Treated
I met my Egyptian boyfriend on the beach. I was wearing a bikini, ready to go snorkeling. He was about to go on a boat trip with his friend. He recognized me from my blog and we just talked about Dahab for a bit.
His friend complimented the tattoo on my upper leg, which made my future boyfriend really uncomfortable because it clearly showed that his friend was checking out my body.
He realized I felt uncomfortable, too, so he took his friend and left. When we talked again a few days later, he apologized to me about his friendβs behavior.
He made me feel respected as a human being and not just an object. He showed me that Egyptian men are not “all the sameβ (as itβs easy to think that sometimes) and balanced out some of the harassment I faced every day.
I will always respect him for that.
This Isnβt Advice On How To Get Me In Bed
Wouldn’t you rather be someone who has a real positive impact on a personβs life and builds a long-lasting connection?
But learning this respect for women, although most guys around you do the opposite (it may be hard for you a lot of times because of peer pressure!), is what you can do to βmake Egypt great againβ.
It doesn’t take much. You don’t need to become an activist for women, just act with kindness and respect in your day to day life – towards everyone around you.
With disrespectful behavior towards women, youβre contributing to the bad state your country is in. Itβs easy to blame it all on the government, itβs harder to actually do your part so that this country improves.
Egyptβs Reputation In The World
Do you know what a lot of female travelers say about Egypt?
They had never faced such discriminatory behavior in their life anywhere else in the world.
If you look at womenβs experiences in places other than Dahab e.g. (where women are not subject to as much harassment as in other parts of Egypt), you will actually see that many of them who didnβt come in a protected group tour hated Egypt.
They say they will never come back and tell all their friends about their bad experience. Itβs no wonder Egypt has such a bad reputation in the minds of so many people worldwide and why women are being warned to come here.
And it hurts me because I know what an amazing country Egypt is and how loving and kind the people are, the men included.
See how that influences an entire economy?
The Effects Of Sexual Harassment On Egyptβs Economy
Tourism in Egypt is such a big part of the economy and the lack of tourists in the last decade or so has seriously affected this country.
So many people become unemployed when thereβs no tourism, and it has directly to do with the behavior towards guests, especially female ones.
Itβs not just because of terrorism or a crappy government that tourists arenβt coming as they used to, itβs also because of harassing and scamming visitors.
The question is:
Are you doing your part to make this country a better place or are you adding to the problems it has?
Are you changing what you can change, which means your behavior, and your behavior only?
Because if not, you canβt complain and blame the government for everything that goes wrong here.
Youβre part of the problem, as hard as that sounds.
It begins in such little things as treating women with respect, every day.
I tried writing this with compassion in mind, instead of just placing blame because I know that it wouldn’t change anything.
And I also know that growing up in a country where sexual harassment is an absolutely normal part of everyday life makes it incredibly hard to see that thereβs something wrong with it.
And thatβs not just hard to see for men, itβs hard to see for women as well.
β84% of Egyptian women believe that “women who dress provocatively deserve to be harassed.”
Itβs mind-boggling to me, but makes total sense, because they never experienced a world where thatβs not the case. But there is.
And thatβs how itβs supposed to be. Life shouldnβt be harder for women than for men.
I believe that Egyptian women built a thick skin. They had to in order to not go crazy here.
But man, they really shouldnβt have to.
Every man and every woman should feel respected.
We All Want To Feel Love And Connection
I think that inside, we all crave connection and we want to do the right thing and not harm others. If we do behave in a harmful way, it’s usually because we have been hurt and we think that hurting someone else will protect us from more pain.
The problem is that itβs a never-ending chain of pain, because the people you hurt will in turn hurt others again, and so on.
The only way to break this destructive pattern is if we choose to be kind BECAUSE we’ve been wronged.
We have to choose not to continue this behavior because we know it brings pain to others, the same pain we experienced before and the same pain we don’t really wish anyone else has to go through.
βAn eye for an eyeβ has turned this world into a world full of war and hate and indescribable pain.
The people who actually made a difference were not the people who retaliated, who reacted to attacks with counter-attacks. The people who made a change were people like Gandhi and Nelson Mandela.
The people who broke the chain of pain and chose kindness and respect for all human beings, no matter how much theyβve been wronged.
This applies to women as well. If youβve been hurt as a woman, as pretty much all of us have been, do not pass on the anger. Donβt let your pain out on people, children or animals, who have nothing to do with how youβve been wronged.
Speak up. Break the pattern.
Make a difference for your children, so that they may never have to go through what youβve been through.
Here are some simple things a man can do to make a difference:
- Don’t catcall, don’t whistle, donβt pressure women.
- Especially as a business owner, treat your female customers with the utmost respect and not different than your male customers.
- Openly say that youβre not okay with this behavior towards women. Some of your friends may make fun of you. Let them. You don’t want people spreading negativity in your life. Maybe you’ve heard of the saying that you’re the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with. Choose good people. By speaking about this, you show all of the women in your life that you respect them, and you will, in turn, earn their respect and their support. You’re attracting the right people into your life by showing that you’re a decent human being, and this will change the course of your entire life.
- If youβre a woman reading this, speak up. Donβt let men belittle you. Because apparently, almost half of the men donβt even know that we as women donβt like how we are treated by men. Itβs our responsibility to speak up and make them hear us.
- If you see someone harassing a woman, say something. Stop it. Don’t be afraid to stand up for what is right, you will be rewarded for it, I promise. It’s in your hand to change the feeling and experience of the women you meet. And if all men do their own little part, you can change the entire atmosphere of your country. Not just for tourists and women coming to visit. You can change the entire direction your country is heading in because women are much stronger than you may think. Egyptians already showed the courage and the power they have. You can start a new revolution by choosing to be respectful every day, it doesn’t require nearly as much energy as bringing down a political leader. Changing the small world around you is what makes the biggest difference because you have no control over anything else anyways.
Thank you so much for reading this. I hope nobody feels offended and understands my intention, but if you do feel offended: Malesh (For the foreign audience: Malesh means Sorry in Arabic)!
You will have to deal with that yourself, Iβm not gonna justify my feelings. Feel free to write your own article and share your opinion on this subject π
Letter to Egyptian Men – Pin for later!
If you’re traveling to Egypt, be sure you make the most of your trip by reading my other articles. I’ve been based here since 2016 and learned a lot that will help you π
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- Traditional Egyptian Food
- 10 Reasons Everyone Should Visit Egypt At Least Once
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- 5 Must-See Places in Cairo, Egypt
- 5 Mind-Blowing Secret Beaches in Egypt
- Sharm El-Sheikh: Diving Guide For Scuba Lovers
- Sharm El-Sheikh Snorkeling Guide
- 45+ Fun Things To Do In Hurghada, Egypt
- Hurghada Snorkeling Guide
- Scuba Diving Guide to El Gouna
- Ultimate Guide to St. Catherine, Sinai
- Climbing Mount Sinai β 8 Things You Need To Know Before
- 89 Things To Do in Dahab, Egypt
- Scuba Diving in Dahab – The Ultimate Guide
- Traveling to a Muslim country during Ramadan? Hereβs what you need to know!
I am sad to here your epeiances with man .
I hope you still have believe in an option of onest and good man .
I am now in dahb – it will be wonderful to sit and have tea togther .
Any way if me meet or no
I fully admire your way
I
Thank you, appreciate your comment. Of course not all men are like that!
I’m currently in Sharm but maybe we run into each other next week, who knows π
Enjoy Dahab!
The reason why I’ve postponed my trip to Egypt until now (I’m visiting this month) is the sexual harassment. Anytime someone asks about Egypt, this is the first time women travelers bring up. I applied for the visa recently (as I have to because of my Kosovo passport) and I was made uncomfortable from someone at the Embassy itself. I’ll be in Cairo with friends so I’m not that concerned about it, but the rest of my trip I’ll be solo traveling. I read your letter to see how you as a foreigner living there are handling these issues.
P.S. If I come by Dahab, maybe we could meet for a drink or something π
Hi Lavdi,
thanks for your comment!
Just be prepared for getting a lot of attention, but keep in mind they are harmless. Egyptians are generally extremely kind people, go in with that mindset and you’ll be fine. Try to avoid eye contact if you’re not in the mood for a conversation.
It’s a stunning country and I’m sure it will be a special trip for you!
Wishing you all the best and send me a message on Insta if you come to Dahab π
Christina
Sorry for your misunderstanding but Egypt have 90000000 Persons how you can make all of them like that Sharm al sheik is not tell you the truth about Egypt we have our civilisation and culture if you meet me I will change your view about Egyptian people just try to contact I will show you how ia the real Egyptian man is
It does happen a lot particularly in touristic areas in this country. Very unfortunate.
I feel sorry for this terrible experience.